just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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