he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
