My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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