Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
