I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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