Got a toothbrush?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
