He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
