I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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