so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
