i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
