Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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