He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
