I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
