Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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