I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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