The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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