You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
