hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
