The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
