Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
