he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
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No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
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what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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