Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My liver just had a heart attack.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
