People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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