If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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