last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
