I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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