yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
