strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
