She announced her abortion via fbk
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
