"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
