You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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