he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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