Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
