im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
