Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
