During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
