i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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