they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize