We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
