R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
