eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
