mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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