we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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