I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
