he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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