Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize