ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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