I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
