i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
