I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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