I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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