ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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