Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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