i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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