my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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