I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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