i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
