The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he wants to bone in the snuggie
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
