I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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