do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
