If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
