I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
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You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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