Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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