i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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