so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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