dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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