At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
