i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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