...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Please, let me fuck your mom
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
