i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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