I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
