Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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