Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
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Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
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Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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