yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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